No Room For Haters
Once, I was told that I had made it on my chosen path the day I started having haters.
“Why is it that the more haters you have – the better your life gets?” I asked Paul.
“Ever wondered why people flock together like birds of a feather?” Paul replied.
Rule of thumb – people tend to gravitate toward those with equal amounts of suffering.
When everyone is in the same predicament, they stick together.
Students hate their teachers. Workers hate their supervisors. Staff hate their manager, and so forth.
Even family members sometimes hate one another.
Sometimes we think we have a great relationship with our siblings.
But the day you start making more money doing less work is a day of a rude awakening.
The day the dynamics topple is when you drive a better car and live in a pricier neighborhood.
You may think that only children have to deal with “haters.”
But adult haters can do so much more damage.
Not only jealousy reared its ugly head.
You get h hatred beyond words and become their mortal enemy.
A wise woman once told me, “Keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself. Never let anyone know the amount of money you make or have.”
Remember this: Mean girls never change and grow up as mean adults.
When they age, they become bitter older women.
What Is A “Hater?”
/ˈheɪ.t̬ɚ/ a person who unfairly criticizes others’ achievements, says unpleasant things, or gossip about others.
Forget the haters – they’re just jealous.
These people use negative and critical comments and mob behavior to bring someone down.
Hurtful and damaging comments can be said in person, within earshot, or online via text messages.
Often, the comments and behavior are repeated and escalate over time.
The same gathering of haters loves to focus on “discussing” the object of their hate.
They enjoy nothing better than dissecting every event to highlight an incident that happened minutely – sometimes up to 30 years ago.
Haters love nothing more than making the object of their hate look bad with the intent to make their lives miserable.
Who Can Be A Hater?
Haters are often anonymous (especially online).
The worst at those once considered friends, classmates, colleagues, and relatives.
Sometimes they can be acquaintances, peers, neighbors, or people living in the same community.
An Influencer or KOL has the most haters online.
For IG influencers, many encounter haters when they become instantly famous, start getting jobs and appear to make more money than others.
How Does One Become A Hater?
Hateful, critical behavior is another form of bullying or cyberbullying.
Like bullying, hater behavior is something that a person does.
The behavioral makeup becomes them – it is not who they are; like makeup, it can be removed and changed.
“Your biggest hater could be your closest friend. People pretend well.” – Dr. Farrah Gray.
Often, haters pick on people (anyone) they perceive as different from themselves.
Haters hate because:
- Their lives aren’t going well (compared to others)
- They want to be the person they hate (but can’t achieve the same status or fame)
- They are envious. Jealousy is eating them alive.
How Does A Hater Affect Their Victim?
Being the focus of negative and critical comments can be upsetting.
Many unfairly criticized victims feel anger, hurt, and confusion, which leads to the person being charged questioning their self-worth and behavior.
When negative comments are posted online, it can also make someone afraid to use their social media accounts or feel ashamed of what is happening there.
Many children, teens, and even adults don’t want to be a part of harmful behavior like name-calling, criticizing, bullying, and cyberbullying.
Adults and retirees often deal with different kinds of bullying and cyberbullying.
These include exclusion, purposefully leaving the person out of the plans, events, outings, or excursions.
Teens who feel overwhelmed by social media drama will often unfriend or unfollow people online to disengage.
When you are older (and wiser), you learn to disengage from these people with bad behavior.
How To Deal With A Secret Hater ‘Friend’
Some of your so-called pals and buddies that you hold dear may be your biggest doubters.
While they hide it well, you must be vigilant for these signs of a secret hater’ friend.’
Haters Are Judgemental
A true friend will support your quirky choices, but a secret hater will quickly judge you – even if you did the morally right thing.
Once you fall out of groupthink, your pseudo-friends or friends will start judging you.
Judging is more manageable than thinking as an individual.
Just like the mean girls, once you like green when they like pink – you’re no longer part of the group identity.
As they think they’re superior to you, they start projecting—externalizing their feelings and thoughts on the people who have “changed”—you.
It’s their way of dealing with life.
Haters Love To Gossip
They talk behind your back.
A buddy who criticizes you after you leave the room is more than a hater; it indicates that they don’t value your friendship.
They’ll reveal information you shared with them confidently, turning your secret into a public one.
Even worse, they could even embellish the truth to paint you in a poor light.
Talk about feeling uneasy!
A buddy who hates you secretly is quick to criticize you.
Frenemy
How can you tell if you pretend your best friend is talking negatively about you?
Please keep an eye out for these obvious warning flags.
They converse in whispers while laughing aloud.
As soon as you go in, the room becomes silent.
They act stiff or freeze the moment they see you and appear awkward.
They can’t look straight into your eyes!
They’re overcompensating, running toward you and hugging you in public.
They start over smiling when they greet you.
They tell you juicy tidbits about their other pals.
If they’re doing this to their friends,’ they are also doing it to you.
Their body language is ‘closed off’ or anxious ( crossed arms/legs, and frequently adjusting clothes or jewelry.)
You can’t shake the feeling that they’re talking about you behind your back.
Praises From A Hater – No Way.
Compliments are ‘little gifts of love,’ and a hater can’t compliment anyone.
They’re all about praise because you’re telling the other person you value them. They can help boost your mood and amplify your positive thoughts.
Giving a compliment or praise is all about being genuine.
Your secret hater can’t do that: they’re fake, fake, fake.
Think of this: why would a hater praise you and make you feel good?
Instead, they’ll do the opposite, which is to make you feel bad.
Even if you win a Michelin Star for your restaurant, your secret hater of a friend won’t congratulate you but accord your win to your ‘luck’ or your connections.
To a hater, you can’t do incredible things alone.
Haters, Instead, provide “backhanded” praises.
Instead, your friend who secretly despises you gives backhanded compliments.
You look fantastic. Have you lost any weight?
Since you quit doing things, you always clean up beautifully. Was that what?
“You’re attractive/sleek. Describe yourself.
“Your slicked-back hair looks nice. You ought to do that more frequently.
“I adore how the sunshine shines through your hair.”
You don’t even appear to be expecting it!
Wow, you’ve already returned to work! I wish I could leave my kids with a total stranger like you.
Haters Must Be Rude
Journalist Anna Holmes calls it the “art of a sidelong insult.”
Your so-called buddy will try to belittle, mock, or undermine you in a subtle way that you might not initially detect.
Your ‘friend’ who throws shade makes excuses for their rudeness or impoliteness, even when they know they are.
Their “side eye” may occasionally be their method of disparaging you.
Haters Compete Hard, And Not In A Good Way.
It’s possible that your competitive friend-turned-enemy has a generalized anxiety disorder and acts passive-aggressively.
They become anxious if they don’t “win” against other people (in this case, it’s you).
They need to figure out how to interact with someone doing well or who has changed their life.
They perceive accomplishment and success as embarrassing failures rather than motivators.
Haters Are Super Sarcastic
Sarcasm is a playful or humorous attempt to disguise judgment or hostility.
People who know only sarcasm are pretty clever.
If you know someone proud that they are the “sarcasm queen,” it is nothing more than a poorly veiled attempt at disguising their fear, anger, or hurt.
They try to invalidate your feelings rather than own up to their fault.
They are aware or unaware of the damage they cause, or they don’t care.
Your sarcastic hater friends are passive-aggressive people who can’t deal with their emotions of rejection.
More often than not, they’re very fearful of people confronting them.
In other words, they’re unable to handle emotional intimacy.
It’s their cloak-and-dagger approach to communicating, so they can ‘safely’ disregard their contempt.
Haters Are Petty, Not Pretty
Ever wondered why your hater is unbelievably petty?
According to the 2018 study by Ng and Levy, pettiness results from internalizing conditions such as stress, anxiety, and even depression.
So be a BIG person, as a petty person gets riled up by the small stuff.
Signs of neuroticism include maladjustment and negative emotions, poor self-regulation or the ability to manage urges, trouble dealing with stress, strong reactions to a perceived threat, and the tendency to complain.
Haters Hate Seeing You Happy
A true friend genuinely loves to see you happy and achieve success.
They are the ones who will fangirl and make you happy.
As for haters, they are more interested in your failures or the projects you bombed.
When you’re sad or frustrated, they are so glad for you.
A hater won’t tell you anything good or encouraging.
Instead of motivating you – they will say why not give up since it is so hard, don’t even bother NEVER trying again.
Haters Are Negative
They’re very negative – even about the most positive and happy occasions.
A hater won’t like you to be happy, and even if you have cause to celebrate, they’ll transform it into a pity party.
When you get married because you’ve found the love of your life, they will say,
“Oh, good luck with losing your freedom and money!”
All this negativity is all about them – and not about your happiness.
When we look at a “Negative Person,” their despair shows up as irritability or hostility; it may be worth trying to perceive the deeper issue.
Many haters disagree with you.
Imagine you are organizing a trip for four buddies. Three can accommodate your travel plans, hotel preferences, and activities.
But before you can all come to a consensus, one “friend” scuttles your entire scheme.
It is too early for the flights. The motel is quite affordable, and I prefer that we do this over that.
While arguments like these frequently happen among friends, your foe won’t agree with anything you have to say.
They reject any suggestion you make. They’ll frequently try to persuade your other buddies to agree with them.
Haters that only want to hurt you do this. These folks may be incredibly petty, as I’ve shown. Even if they don’t entirely disagree with what you say, they aim to agitate you.
Haters Never Like But Stalks Your Social Media Post
Liking social media posts is just like giving a compliment; hence a hater would instead be caught dead than a compliment to you.
When they see particular social media posts, that can affect their self-esteem.
Haters like to keep their lives personal and stalk others.
Seeing the number of likes and positive comments on your post and be hugely depressing for them.
As someone who gets anxious and occasionally struggles with self-esteem, the number of likes on social media posts can be hugely depressing.
While there is nothing they can do to reduce the number of likes you get, they want you to feel hurt by not giving you their approval.
Your hater wants you to guess yourself second and to make you question your confidence.
How To Handle Your Secret Hater
Everyone has a secret hater.
1) Try not to take it personally – the person who hates you can be using their actions to mask their hurt, wrath, or fear. Let’s adopt a more assertive attitude.
2) Keep quiet – Haters take offense at your triumphs and relish your failures. No matter how perfect or awful your life may be, they can’t hate you if they don’t know anything about it.
3) Be honest and polite – Even though confronting someone might be challenging, you shouldn’t let their pettiness define your relationship with them.
4) Take their advice. – If you have the time, sit down with them and discuss. What made people dislike you? The future? You might need a little talk therapy to save your friendship.
5) Don’t be afraid to speak your mind.
Talking to other people, especially your close friends, is always helpful. They can help you brainstorm strategies for dealing with your adversary.
6) Ask for advice—Maybe your pals have dealt with haters before. What was their reaction to them?
By asking for help, you might devise strategies to deal with your haters.
7) Keep away from your pretend haters. – Beyond sight, beyond memory. It is essential to avoid fake friends since they might hurt your emotional and mental health.
8) Make new friends instead! Many people deserve your friendship. If someone doesn’t respect your time, please don’t waste it worrying about them. Instead, share your affection with others who appreciate a compassionate buddy like you.
Last Thoughts On Haters
The sad truth about haters is that they are just losers.
Success is almost certain to make somebody else envious.
Their hate is a sign you’re doing something right.
I have known a lot of successful company owners and entrepreneurs over the years.
Many success tales come from those who worked hard and put in the time.
They put in the long hours, rise earlier than anybody else on the team, and work through the night honing their skill while other team members go out to have fun.
I haven’t met a single successful hater in all my years.
If you think about it, it comes as no surprise.
Haters hate their life.
Every single day, they detest what they do.
Some people are so distant from accomplishing their goals.
Their lives are so focused on acquiring worldly possessions that they are jealous, frustrated, and angry toward anyone else who is better.
The good news is that being on someone’s “hate list” indicates that you are doing right. Without that, the detractors have nothing to envy in the first place.
Anyone can choose to hate someone.
That someone doesn’t have to do anything to earn the hatred they feel.
While haters seethe and hurt, others they hate are using that energy to work like crazy to build an incredible life for themselves.
The real problem isn’t the hate thrown at you, or the haters, for that matter.
The real issue is how we respond to hatred and those who spread it.
Your best decision is to consciously ignore the hate and the haters and watch them disappear as quickly as they appeared.
Tragically, many people still behave and live like 12-year-old kids in the schoolyard.
Haters are sad, depressed individuals.
We ought to pity them.
People who are mentally content and in good health can never be mean to others.
Haters are simply losers, which is the terrible reality about them.
Haters are simply losers, which is the terrible reality about them.
The best revenge is to become even more successful and popular.
Thanks.