Grieving the Death of a Friend

“I’m grieving the death of a friend,” I said quietly.

I was trying to understand grief during the COVID-19 pandemic. Everything felt unreal.

Malaysia went into MCO on 18 March 2020. On April Fool’s Day, I received a message that my dear friend, Stephanie, had passed away.

It was a hard day. I gathered the strength to tell my classmates.

Everyone wanted to know how she died, but no one asked, “Are you okay?” or “Are you grieving?”

Remembering Stephanie

I wanted to meet Stephanie for lunch in Kuala Lumpur, where she worked. We had stayed close after leaving school.

Both of us worked in the Central Banking District and loved Indian food. We often shared long lunches filled with laughter.

Our friendship lasted more than fifty years.

Only one other classmate, Kathy, knew how close we were.

Whenever I visited KL, Kathy would cook her famous curries and biryani, and we’d eat, chat, and laugh together.

The Lunch That Never Happened

I wanted to take Stephanie to a Brazilian grill.

I called a few times to plan, but she seemed busy. I thought it was just work stress.

Later, she told me her eyes were blurred. Doctors found a tumor pressing on her optic nerves.

Without surgery, she would lose her sight.

I was traveling when she went in for the operation. Her last message said it went well. But soon, she was back in ICU.

Because of the lockdown, I couldn’t visit. None of us could attend her funeral — only her family. That was when friendship grief set in, heavy and silent.

Coping with Loss During the Pandemic

I promised myself I would meet her friend who stood by her through everything. When the world opened again, we would sit and mourn together.

Losing Stephanie was painful. I didn’t expect another loss to follow so soon.

Finding Out Too Late

Months later, I thought about MG, another dear friend. I hadn’t heard from her in over a year. When I checked my WhatsApp, her last message was a birthday wish.

She always remembered my birthday. I often forgot my own.

That day, I discovered MG had passed away — more than a year ago.

She had inspired me to travel and encouraged me to write. We met in the 1980s while working in nearby buildings. Like Stephanie, she was part of my weekly lunch routine.

It felt surreal that these two women who shaped my life never met each other.

Social Media and Grief

When I shared my grief for MG on Facebook, someone commented, “Who is MG?”

The words stung.

Coping with loss in the digital age is strange. Behind every post is a real person, not just a name on a screen.

I replied kindly, but a wave of sorrow swept through me. That was when I realized social media isn’t always a friend when you’re mourning.

I needed to allow myself to grieve, even if no one else recognized it.

A Grief Coach’s Words

A grief coach, Veronique Ficheux, once told me, “Sending you and your friend prayers and blessings. Do forgive yourself.”

I did.

Her words made more sense than anything else I heard. Losing two lifelong friends back-to-back was heartbreaking, but forgiveness helped me find peace.

Bereavement and Healing

The loss of a friend is like losing a piece of your own story. Stephanie and MG carried my memories, laughter, and shared history.

When death takes our friends, it also takes our connection to the past — and the future we imagined together.

At first, I thought a good cry and a goodbye would be enough. I was wrong. Grieving doesn’t follow a timetable. It comes and goes like the tide.

Now I cherish the lessons they left behind. I wish I could tell them,
“Thank you for believing in me.
I love you.
Forgive me for not saying goodbye.”

What Happens When We Die

Keanu Reeves once said, “I know that the ones who love us will miss us.” That truth brings comfort.

Bereavement is the deep pain that follows love. It reminds us how much someone meant.

Grief doesn’t end. It changes shape. Through it, we learn that love can live on — in memory, in stories, and in the courage to keep moving forward.